The I am Better Than You Syndrome

Over the years in my practice as a Spiritual Healer I have often had a new client that will come in and say to me “I have been to so many doctors, healers etc and nothing has worked”.  I could at that point puff up my chest and say “well don’t worry I am infinity more powerful or better than all the others you have been too previously”.  I don’t however, my general response is “well I am sure that all of those you have seen before have had some expertise and competence in their field, so why do you think I am going to be able to help you”? I don’t ask this question to elicit flattery of how good they may think I am. I ask this question so that the client may examine their own role in their previous therapeutic relationships and also for them to consider there is no absolute better than, only difference.

The need to be better than someone else is deeply embedded in our language and our cultural history.  Darwin’s theory of Survival of the Fittest has driven us forward. It has been an unfortunate consequence of our drive for survival.

Being better than is measured on the basis of:blogshamarie1

  • Money
  • Education
  • Intellectual ability
  • Body appearance and gender
  • Age
  • Social Standing
  • Birth Family
  • Physical strength

And a multitude of other attributes and skills, anything that can be differentiated becomes a measured of better or less than.  So, in the market place of life people have become like the material products we to convince ourselves to purchase on the basis – it is the best available.  However, people are not things.  Things tend to be very simplistic and finite in their function.  The very best hat you can buy, can only be a hat and it can never evolve into a better hat.  Quite the opposite it will eventually decay and be relegated to the position of old hat as it is superseded by the latest best hat.

The human need for evolution and the drive to push ourselves to reach our full potential is a natural drive.  We are innovators by nature, we are captivated by bright shiny new things and ideas. However, most of us have started our journey from the point of not being good enough as we currently are. We have bought the lie that because our natural skills and abilities are not the same as someone has achieved – they are therefore better than us.  It may well be true that someone else has achieved greatness in one area but does that make them globally better than everyone else?

BlogShamarieThe fact is, we are all good enough and the very best available for our point of evolution in any given time otherwise we would not exist.

Unfortunately, society values certain skills, appearances, gender and education above others and in doing so we are homogenizing our society. Everyone is jostling to be the best in those narrow areas.  In doing so we have precluded the multiplicity of differences of human expression and potential. Trying to be more than or better than the one thing or the one person is unachievable goal.  Unless of course you possess the one thing.  But just like the hat, the one thing will be superseded by the next highly prized thing.  The drive to be better than is never ending and unachievable and has a high cost mentally and emotionally.

We, as a society, have lost the essence and meaning of the foundation of our society – That of Individuality!  To truly embrace the concept of individuality we must absolutely embrace and value difference.

We need to go back to the “I am Okay, You’re Okay” concept of Thomas Harris.  And our starting point as we strive to reach our own personal potential can be “I am okay as I am now but I choose to see if I can do it differently”.  I can contribute to society as I am or I can choose to contribute differently. Similarly, you are okay also and just because I am more skilled in a particular area doesn’t devalue your area of expertise and excellent.  It certainly doesn’t devalue the entirety of who you are. Even writing those last sentences was challenging because our language is so restricted to the expression of better or worse and ultimately better than.  Perhaps is time for some new thoughts and new words.

My specialty and expertise is in the area of mental, emotional growth and evolution.  Among other things, I believe that if we evolve beyond the position of I am better than, we can all focus on our individual contributions and areas of expertise for the benefit or society as a whole.

Who Took the Sun Away?

Empaths, Sensitives

Today I am grateful that the sun has finally returned. During my short walk to the supermarket this morning, the cashiers were friendly and helpful, the other customers wanted to say hello and chat with me even though I don’t know them. Ah I am back in my happy place and so is everyone else around me.

Having just come back from several weeks of European Summer, having to adjust to the time warp, difference in sunshine hours coupled with my body being challenged with a fluey virus that put my partner in bed for several days. I truly was beginning to wonder when this tunnel of misery was going to end.  And I am usually the positive one lol.

The marked difference that I felt this morning when I woke up and my supermarket experience caused me to reflect upon did the sun really go away taking my inner happiness and peace with it? Or did my inner reality block out the sun’s warming light?

Now of course the sun didn’t really disappear regardless of my inner reality or not.  However, my awareness of the sun certainly had.   I think this is true for all of us, when we are feeling challenged by our environment or when there has been lack of sleep or immune compromise.  I am glad that I have had the time, space and resources to traverse this experience.  My Transfer Factors, essential oils and rest all helped of course.  But I feel another major contributing factor was I finally become aware of and cleared away the dross of other people’s ectoplasm which was pulling me down into a place of darkness and misery.

There is old truism –  “you become what you are surrounded by” I have always been keenly aware of this in terms of protecting myself from becoming the pain and suffering of my clients as well as the places that feel overtly icky.  However, I have realised that I hadn’t been quite so vigilant in my everyday life.  I didn’t notice the small bits that stuck and finally clustered into big bits until I started to resonate with what I was surrounded with. I had allowed the “not me” energies of my friends and family to accumulate coupled with the residual darkness of the places I had visited while I was away.

This doesn’t mean that I believe that my friends and family and the places I visited are bad, not at all. However, I do have to be acutely aware that they have a different resonance than me. Nor does it mean that I must keep myself separated from the ones that I love.  I am certainly not going to play the poor me empath/sensitive that I see touted so much lately, because I know each person I am surrounded by and every place that I visit is also effected by me. I know with certainty that I do affect the people and places around me.  This is not news to me Lol, but I had forgotten it.  My trip to the supermarket this morning reinforced that to me. Whether others find my influence good for them or not is not up to me.

What all this has prompted me to do, is start creating a course for those who are empathetic, sensitive and come from their heart.  Those who are troubled and suffering tend to be naturally drawn to empathetic individuals.  Sensitives as a group need to be courageous and a strongly resonate a frequency of balance and harmony rather than become what they are mostly surrounded with.  This is not about being more special or positive than others. Rather, it’s about being able to successfully live and offer what empaths as a group are best able to give when they themselves are in a balanced state. So, firstly we must get our own house in order, because unfortunately sensitives and empaths tend also to be ones with some of the deepest wounds.  It is our own wounds and lack of awareness that allows us to take on and become what we are surrounded with.

I haven’t finished this course as I have only started today, despite the fact that many clients have been asking for me to do this for quite some time.  Soon, I will be able to say when asked “is there a book where I can read all this stuff?” YES THERE IS!

If you would like to know more please contact me via the contact channels that suits you best. or join my FaceBook page or Newsletter List or download my APP in Apple Itunes or Google Play

In the meantime try stay out of the shadows cast by others

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