The I am Better Than You Syndrome

The I am Better Than You Syndrome

Over the years in my practice as a Spiritual Healer I have often had a new client that will come in and say to me “I have been to so many doctors, healers etc and nothing has worked”.  I could at that point puff up my chest and say “well don’t worry I am infinity more powerful or better than all the others you have been too previously”.  I don’t however, my general response is “well I am sure that all of those you have seen before have had some expertise and competence in their field, so why do you think I am going to be able to help you”? I don’t ask this question to elicit flattery of how good they may think I am. I ask this question so that the client may examine their own role in their previous therapeutic relationships and also for them to consider there is no absolute better than, only difference.

The need to be better than someone else is deeply embedded in our language and our cultural history.  Darwin’s theory of Survival of the Fittest has driven us forward. It has been an unfortunate consequence of our drive for survival.

Being better than is measured on the basis of:blogshamarie1

  • Money
  • Education
  • Intellectual ability
  • Body appearance and gender
  • Age
  • Social Standing
  • Birth Family
  • Physical strength

And a multitude of other attributes and skills, anything that can be differentiated becomes a measured of better or less than.  So, in the market place of life people have become like the material products we to convince ourselves to purchase on the basis – it is the best available.  However, people are not things.  Things tend to be very simplistic and finite in their function.  The very best hat you can buy, can only be a hat and it can never evolve into a better hat.  Quite the opposite it will eventually decay and be relegated to the position of old hat as it is superseded by the latest best hat.

The human need for evolution and the drive to push ourselves to reach our full potential is a natural drive.  We are innovators by nature, we are captivated by bright shiny new things and ideas. However, most of us have started our journey from the point of not being good enough as we currently are. We have bought the lie that because our natural skills and abilities are not the same as someone has achieved – they are therefore better than us.  It may well be true that someone else has achieved greatness in one area but does that make them globally better than everyone else?

BlogShamarieThe fact is, we are all good enough and the very best available for our point of evolution in any given time otherwise we would not exist.

Unfortunately, society values certain skills, appearances, gender and education above others and in doing so we are homogenizing our society. Everyone is jostling to be the best in those narrow areas.  In doing so we have precluded the multiplicity of differences of human expression and potential. Trying to be more than or better than the one thing or the one person is unachievable goal.  Unless of course you possess the one thing.  But just like the hat, the one thing will be superseded by the next highly prized thing.  The drive to be better than is never ending and unachievable and has a high cost mentally and emotionally.

We, as a society, have lost the essence and meaning of the foundation of our society – That of Individuality!  To truly embrace the concept of individuality we must absolutely embrace and value difference.

We need to go back to the “I am Okay, You’re Okay” concept of Thomas Harris.  And our starting point as we strive to reach our own personal potential can be “I am okay as I am now but I choose to see if I can do it differently”.  I can contribute to society as I am or I can choose to contribute differently. Similarly, you are okay also and just because I am more skilled in a particular area doesn’t devalue your area of expertise and excellent.  It certainly doesn’t devalue the entirety of who you are. Even writing those last sentences was challenging because our language is so restricted to the expression of better or worse and ultimately better than.  Perhaps is time for some new thoughts and new words.

My specialty and expertise is in the area of mental, emotional growth and evolution.  Among other things, I believe that if we evolve beyond the position of I am better than, we can all focus on our individual contributions and areas of expertise for the benefit or society as a whole.